Managers have feelings, too — a roundtable discussion
Two weeks ago I attended the Develop conference in Brighton, where people from all across the country come together to talk about all different aspects of game development. As a novice to the industry but very passionate about it, I found it to be an enlightening experience. But one session in particular stands out to me. Ironically, it wasn’t a talk. It was a round table session being facilitated by Lisa Kretschmer on the subject of ‘Managers have feelings too’ and how do we, as managers, deal with our own frustrations and risks of burn-out, particularly if there is no-one above you to support you. This followed on from a previous talk she gave on the subject.
This got me thinking about the movement towards Management through Coaching, and some things we’re going to need to keep in mind. Firstly, ask any councillor or therapist and they’ll tell you that there is a rule (at least I think it’s a rule), that in order to be qualified as the above you need to first be of sound mind yourself. That doesn’t mean that you have to be completely void of any mental stresses or challenges, pretty sure that’s a unicorn that definitely doesn’t exist, but merely that you yourself must of completed some time with a qualified professional to work through your own issues and get yourself into a healthy state. The reasoning behind this is that until you have your own demons under control, you’re not in a position to help anyone else through theirs.
Now, while the challenges that arise at the workplace are of course not in the same league as what therapists and councillors have to deal with, the principal should still remain. In order for you to best support the people in your care, you must first take care of yourself. With the uptake of servant leadership and management through coaching being a big advocate of that, this ‘new’ way of management is absolutely one that considers the people reporting to you to be in your care.
At the round table session, it was heard many times that managers forget this important fact. My advice would be, the next time you’re finding it all too much and at risk of burning out, ask yourself, what would you ask an employee in that situation? You’re most likely to ask them if there was anyone they could talk to for support or who could help them solve the problems they’re having. There’s no difference for you. You just have to think outside the box, and sometimes outside the organisations. You need to build your own support network outside of the usual circles. Maybe look for individuals in the same situation of feeling like they don’t have anyone they can get support from outside of your department. Or even go to a local meet up and meet individuals from other organisations. Heck, you could even go as far as hiring a personal coach to work with you on a weekly basis if you’re at a complete loss. If absolutely everything else fails then reach out to me, I’m always happy to help.
A second lesson that came out of the discussion was to make sure that in your conversations with individuals in your care, there is a clear understanding of what the intention of a discussion is. The examples given were of an individual that simply wanted to vent and have a cathartic release of frustration before going on about their business that was misinterpreted as a problem that they needed to be solved by their manager. Something I learnt from a previous mentor of mine is to open the conversation with frame setting. Simply asking, “what is it you’re looking from me from this conversation?” The answer might be, “Nothing, I just wanted to rant.” Then excellent, rant away, scream and shout and go away feeling heard and relaxed. But if they need something from you, support with a problem they’re having, intervention from someone ‘higher up’, whatever it might be, it is now crystal clear for both of you what the goal of that session will be.
Thirdly, people are capable of solving their own problems. An individual at the round table brought up the topic regarding how difficult they find it to manage an employee going through a difficult time at home, and if for example they need to take some time off but there is a project deadline looming. And to that I say, ask them. “What do you need?” They might say that they need 2 weeks off. “Ok, and I’d love to support that but we have the challenge of the deadline coming up. Can you think of a way that will give you the time you need while not jeopardising the release?” At that point, there is any number of possible solutions that might come up. There is the slight possibility that it’s simply not possible to give them the time they need right now (which, if your company consists of more than 25 people then that should really be ringing an alarm bell). But having had that discussion, laid out what the constraints you’re dealing with are and letting them come to the final verdict themselves, while sure they’ll be disappointed that it wasn’t possible, they’ll at least understand the decision and be on-board with it. This concept of coaching an individual to solve their own problems ties in nicely with the first lesson. Many managers burn out because they spend way too much time and energy trying to solve everyones problems for them because “I’m the manager”. If you let go of control and just support people as they try to solve their own problems you’ll find your energy and mind space will go much further.
There was far more discussed and no doubt if we didn’t have the time constraint we could have kept going for hours, but those were the main thoughts I had which I just wanted to get down onto (hypothetical) paper.
I am available to give talks in England on how to build a culture and environment that breeds productivity and fulfilment through effective leadership. Connect with me on LinkedIn and let’s talk some more: https://www.linkedin.com/in/martyn-puddephatt-14b08757/.
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